2. If you forget a Saralander's name, refer to him as "Bubba" or her as Sissie". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home for two or three days if it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember:"Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. NEVER say "you all".
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a our accent, unless it is us imitating a Boston accent.
10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?" and "Y'all come back now, ya hear"..
11. People live slower here. Relax and slow down, you will get there on time.
12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. We don't understand you either.
13. The first Saraland expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Saraland influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer required.
15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
17. If you hear a Saralander exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
18. Most Saralanders do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Mobile county license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November, December or even January.
21. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the grocery store. Buy lots of Spam, battries, and bottled water. It doesn't matter if you need anything, it is just something you're supposed to do.
22. Satellite dishes are very popular in the Saraland. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer (house if you are rich). This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer (or house) and should, therefore, be proudly displayed.
23. Do not, repeat DO NOT go Snip hunting.
24. Florida is not considered a southern state.There are far more Yankees than southerners living there.
25. In Saraland churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "gelded", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
26. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, folks 'round here learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
27. You can ask a Saralander for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
28. Never refer to that other Mardi Gras (New Orleans), remember ours was the first one, and you can bring your kids to our Mardi Gras parades.
29. Learn who "The Bear" is and use his name in any conversation, no one will care if you are a Yankee.
30. The Iron Bowl is the Alabama vs. Auburn football game, REMEMBER IT!
31. Northerners are folks you live up north, Yankees are northerners who moved down here. Even when you have lived here 30-40 years and learn to talk, walk, and think like us ........you are still a Yankee.
32. Remember, even when we pick on you..............WE LOVE YOU!
33. Never tell your northern friends about the great weather, low taxes, friendly people, reasonable priced houses, fishing, hunting, Saraland girls, high school football games, or the relaxed life style. Only tell them about gnats, mud, humidity and kudzu.
34. Love bugs only appear in May and September, however gnats are here year round.
35. Rule number 21 applies to hurricanes too.